and I wish that plant life would grow all around me

[mcfussyfangs]

Who: Kanaya Maryam + Karkat Vantas
What: Singverse Dark Future
When: A fair amount of time post-this thread.
Where: A secure room in the resistance base
Warning(s): trauma, body horror, sads, anti-robot sentiments

She still has her cybernetic enhancements, if only because the Resistance still hasn't located and freed her original limbs. She imagines that they're probably being used to manufacture rainbow drinkers. She doesn't like to imagine that often though, because then she gets angry, and the Resistance is still concerned when that happens. Even severing her connection to Hypatia has done nothing to get them to trust her, and she can't blame them. She never trusted robots after what SHODAN did to her, and now she can actually remember that.

She remembers so, so much now. Some days it hurts and she can't breath. Then she remembers she doesn't need to and somehow feels even worse. She remembers Karkat mostly, what he did for her then and now. He came back for her. Her heart aches when she thinks of it.

Most of her days are now waiting for him, as restrained and blocked off as she is from the general population. Others come to visit her, but he's the brightest in her head, a soft and comforting pink glow that helps defog her memory. He's the one who's set up most of her accommodations. She has a bed and countless pillows, a sewing machine and whatever fabric the Resistance can spare. She makes most of it into clothes for them, and blankets and so on, but some of it she makes pillows with, which is why she has so many. Enough to arrange in a comfortable little nest to curl up in as she waits for him to come.

Comments

[selfkismesis]

Karkat visits her every opportunity he gets. He sleeps even less than he did as a kid, so what time isn't spent slumped against a wall while semi-conscious or whenever he's free of organizing, raids, supply duties, exploration, battle tactics planning, weapons check, fuel acquisition, etc etc, he finds his way to Kanaya. Even as he works, his thoughts are on her-- on when he can see her next. He hates himself when he tries to recall what Kanaya had looked like before Hypatia, before SHODAN, and he can't. It's been too long, and Karkat has seen and lost too much. He hates that his memory fails him on the most important things, and he hates himself for still feeling shock whenever he sees Kanaya's cybernetic bits and pieces. Something resembling her shape had infiltrated his dreams for years before he found her. He had dreamed of seeing her again-- endless fantasies about saving her from Hypatia's robofuckfest, bringing her home, and just picking up where they left off in their immature pale romance. They would hold hands. She would ruffle his hair. He would grumble, and she would laugh, and all would be right in the world.

But that's impossible, and Karkat knows it's impossible. Kanaya needs a lot of healing and someone to support her. He couldn't expect her to reciprocate his feelings now, especially not after all these years of not saving her. Does she blame him for the length of her captivity? If he had done something different, could he have saved her sooner? Karkat wasn't what Kanaya needs right now-- she needs someone competent, who could help her to the high degree that she deserves to be helped. But Vriska was gone, Terezi never comes out of her room, and anyone else who knew Kanaya as the awkward, elegant, witty troll from before isn't in a place to emotionally support anything, let alone anyone.

So Karkat visits at all hours, whenever he's not working, and while he's exhausted all of the time, he drags himself to see her. It puts a spring in his limp, and while his friends worry about him running himself ragged (he always does), it's the first time they've ever seen him excited. Even if Kanaya is still viewed as a threat, they trusts their leader, and they trust his happiness.

He knocks first-- a rapt, loud three clicks, waits a few seconds, and then proceeds to enter Kanaya's 'new home.' A tiny smile lingers on his face as the door opens before settling back to his usual expression. Karkat tries to make himself look less exhausted than he is, but he's always been a shitty actor.

"Hey. Sorry. Long day." His voice is gruff and worn from all the years of yelling unnecessarily and necessarily. "You're not in the middle of shit right now, are you?" Karkat at least tries to respect her time when he's not around.

[mcfussyfangs]

"I'm presently unoccupied," she admits with a nod, a gestures to the neat piles of folded shirts and pants on her table. Once she's finished with the day's patching and hemming, resizing and recycling, there isn't much else left for her to do. While there is a part of her that itches to contribute more, to help them crawl into Hypatia's innards and pull out her wiring like so many ribbons, she cannot. The Resistance has yet to completely remove Hypatia's cerebral implants, and her limbs can still be locked up from the station.

She wants to ask him about his day, his problems, his plans. She wants to help him uncurl from the crunched up little grub he seems to be, but asking him too much isn't going to get her anywhere. He can't afford to let sensitive information slip.

"I tried to make a fortress today," she admits, and feels sheepish and a little idiotic. "It seemed like a nice way to use up my time. Additionally, I hoped it would encourage my memory to rectify it's problems at a more expedient pace."